Lessons
by Purple Wasabi and a Panda
Summary: Itachi is hit with a sound jutsu that makes him act oppostie of who he actually is, and Deidara is his caretaker. While caring for the immature, candycraving Itachi, Deidara learns some things about him. [ItaDei crackfic. Shounen ai! w


Six members of the Akatsuki stood in a dimly lit room. It was rare for Leader to call a meeting, much less an _urgent one._ All the nin had shown up within two minutes time, fearing Leader's wrath if they didn't. "...As you know, it is rare for me to call such a meeting, but this is beyond the meaning 'urgent'." Leader said, his face in silloute as always. The members listened carefully. A captured jinchuuriki? A lost biiju?

"...Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame have recently returned from a mission to Konoha. On the way back, they were apparently attacked by sound ninja- most likely close to Orochimaru. All opponents were killed, but due to a medical jutsu, weak, of course, Itachi-san contracted disease. He has been cured, but the cure has had some side-effects." As if on cue, Itachi came running in.

"Help! Heeellppp!!" He wailed as Kisame chased after him. "Itachi-san! Come back! You need another dosage!" Zetsu also ran into the room, wielding a needle. "Itachi-san, it won't hurt at all!" Itachi held his arm tightly. "That's what you said before!"

The rest of the members stared, some wondering if this was some sick, horrible joke played by Orochimaru.

Unfortunetly, it wasn't.

Itachi continued wailing whiny 'I don't wanna's at Kisame and Zetsu. Finally, after a couple minutes of reasurrance and whines repeatedly, Leader sighed and put his arm in front of Kisame, blocking his path. Zetsu collided with the mist-nin and nearly fell, if it weren't for Leader's strength. "We'll worry about it later."

Kisame and Zetsu nodded without question and jumped beside their partners. Itachi, however, stuck a mocking tongue at them and sat in the corner, plotting some devious... plot.

Leader cleared his throat irritably at the interuption. "As you see, Itachi-san is acting strangly." The members nodded, staring at the suddenly immature S-class Konoha nin. "Until the cure fully circulates, however, we need a caretaker. Any volunteers?"

Silence.

Deidara, completely semi-innocent Deidara, suddenly felt a sharp pain in his neck. "Ah! What the hell, yeah?!" He groped behind to see who just stabbed him.

Unforetunetly, it was not Orochimaru. How dissapointing.

Itachi nawed at the rock-nin's neck. Everyone stared at the pair with wide eyes and shock. Kakuzu snickered and Kisame sighed, covering his face. Sasori showed emotion for a mili-second, a new record. Zetsu's black side laughed and his white side told the other side to shut up and be quiet. They continued the arguement this way. Hidan, not knowing what to do, looked away and pretended to pray. Deidara was mad, and in pain. "Get off, yeah! What are you doing, sucking my blood, yeah?!" Itachi stopped and gave him a bear hug. Wait, scratch that. Squeezed the air and bodily fluids out of him. Much better.

Leader stared. "Ah... I guess... since you're the first person he went near willingly--" Itachi nuzzled Deidara's cloak. "--you'll be taking care of him." Deidara flinched and felt something slimy on his neck. He didn't want to know, he _didn't want to know..._

"When does he turn back to normal, yeah?" Deidara asking, begining to turn blue from lack of air.

"It'll be around two-weeks, so Zetsu says." Leader said to the blonde, glancing to the plant-nin.

Deidara hung his head in utter defeat.

"Zetsu will explain everything to you in a few moments." With that, Leader jumped off. The other members followed in suit.

The exception being Itachi and Deidara. Deidara sighed. "If God even exists, yeah, he hates me..." He said, jumping up with Itachi dangling off his neck.

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Zetsu stepped into the room wiedling a scroll and a needle with grey-green liquid inside. Setting the needle and scroll on the table, he allowed himself to sit. "As you know, Itachi will be in this state for around two-weeks or so. The jutsu he was hit with was supposed to cause major mental trauma, however, the cure simply causes personality change. I've reached the conclusion of this: His reaction was so severe, he actually started to act the complete opposite of what his mind is telling him. Like, for instance, say a little girl hugged him.The real him inside would tell the body to stab her. However, being in this state, he would hug her back and probably give her dango." The white side of him finished, looking at an exausted looking Deidara and a snoozing Itachi.

The black side snickered. "So, right now, the real him hates you. Alot." Deidara sighed in relief.

"Good luck!" The black side sniggered again before being told to shut up by his companion as Zetsu left. Zetsu argued outside until Deidara couldn't hear him.

"...How annoying, yeah." He said before removing his cloak and preparing for bed.

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Deidara woke groggily. "Swhaa...?" He murmered, swinging his hand around to touch whatever just latched onto him. He felt some cloth, then skin. His eyes suddenly shot open. He felt a nuzzle in his neck. "What are you doing?!" He hissed at the Uchiha, who whimpered. "I had a nightmare and my futon is cold." Itachi wrapped his arms around Deidara and snuggled up to him. Deidara was beyond pissed. He felt like a wet cat, with honey in it's fur.

"Itachi... I don't care how bad your dream was... I don't care if your futon is below 20 degrees... but you are going to get off of me, yeah... right. Now." The blonde was already on bad terms with th Uchiha. But now, he was spooning him. No. Just, no. Itachi wimpered and put his face in the crook of Deidara's neck. "But it's cold, and you're warm. And you smell good."At this, Deidara felt Itachi burrow into his hair. Itachi grinned innocently. "You smell so clean!" After that comment, Deidara gave a silent-roar (Fancy that.) and tried with all his might to get the mentally disturbed boy off. No such luck.

Deidara was panting and sweating by the time he gave up. This might cause one to get a sick image, or plural 'images' in their mind, as did the author, but no. This is the first chapter, note. Now, back with Deidara and Wea-Itachi.

Deidara finally fell asleep at around 3:00 am, after trying in vain to get Itachi off him for over an hour and a half.

Today was a special day indeed, for Deidara learned three lessons. _Three._

1. Itachi hates him more than My Little Pony and Johnney Depp.

2. Itachi is most definetly straight.

3. Itachi hates cuddling more than he does Deidara.

(A/N: Haylo! I decided, after many crack fics/couples, I picked an only slightly crack couple and a really cracky fic. Yey for spooning!

And feed my ego! It is ever growing, and needs food to survive! Even though it's slightly over-weight...

Preview: "DeiDei-chaaaannn, I want some candy! What about daanngggoo or poooccckkkyyy???" Itachi whined as Deidara formed clay busily. "NO! For the last time, suger is the last thing you need!")


End file.
